loving art, science and creative kids
7/28/2018 1:52:41 PM
Walking on Air
Above they city they pass in search of life’s meaning and a way to cope in a rapidly changing technological stratified society.
Acrylic on canvas/ 26.5" x 49.5”/ wood frame/ $650.00
Xennials
The parenting focus in my last two newsletters discussed why couples with children born in the the United States score at the bottom of an international scale for happiness. Last week I shared these findings with young adults who visited my “Do You Need A Mother?” booth which my son set up for me at Shift-Festival, an Oregon techno-art-music extravaganza (similar to Burning Man). A great many attendees appeared relieved to have a chance to talk about problems they were facing. I learned of a myriad of concerns Xennials have when coping with social and economic issues.
Who are these Xennials? They previously were under the “Millennia” umbrella, but found that it covered such a broad spectrum of ages they did not fit in. So, Mellenial was subdivided into two groups—Xennials (born between 1977 and 1983) and Millennials (born 1984 to 2,000). Millennials are often labeled as narcissistic and spoiled by helicopter parents. They are blamed for much of what is wrong in society today. Baby Boomers say they are lazy and entitled. Xennials didn’t want to be associated with such negativity which is why they christened a new category. Now, in their 30s and 40s, they are able to affect the dynamics of our country.
Though not digital natives, Xennials are comfortable with technological advances. They still remember dial-up internet and heavy mobile phones. In their teens, they mixed music on cassette tapes, owned a walkman and remember when they first heard about Google and Facebook. Xennials were the first group to embrace social media but squeezed through high school and college before it overtook their lives. They are cynical, though not as pessimistic as early Gen Xers and remain somewhat optimistic, though not as much as Gen Yers.
Xennials got rid of paper bank statements, brought down bar soap, nixed nine-to five works days and ended the time when interactions started off-computer. They are the sandwich generation, caught between analog and digital computers, and were hit hardest by a recession that caused job loss and created excessive student debt. Highly influenced by the tragedy of 9/11, they lost much of their optimism. As Monica Hunter-Heart says, “they were first given a sweet taste of the good life, and then kicked in the face.”
Most of the people I met attending Shift-Festival belong to the Xennial generation. They embrace health and wellness trends and have slightly more disposable income than the Millennials who follow. Many have chosen not to have children, but if they do, they likely waited until in their thirties and have only one. Xennial’s believe in relaxation and science based solutions, spending time and income on taking several vacations per year. They want to “do good,” support feminist ideals and accept those of LGBTQ persuasion.
Since they are not in the top economic echelon, the middle class world they inhabit is more brutal than the one I experienced at the same age. Their coping mechanisms do not depend on family or small town community fabric. Rather than go it alone, however, they band together sharing residences and forming friendship groups based on common interests. Meetup and Maker events lead the way. Festivals like Burning Man and Shift have camps composed of friends who design art and science projects that are worked on throughout the year. Sculptures, circus acts and musical entertainment are then brought to summer events. These social groups are reminiscent of the krewes that sponsor floats and balls for Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
The people I met at Shift Festival are middle income Americans. For the most part, they are college educated computer scientists, engineers, teachers and psychologists or they received advanced training at a technical school. Though they applied themselves to their studies, upon graduation, they had a difficult time jobs they considered meaningful. Those who did, discovered that their salary was barely enough to cover living expenses and repay college debt.
Most began their careers enthusiastically and worked hard in hope of improving society, but when the market crashed, they became discouraged. Though previously earning a decent wage, a great many were suddenly deprived of employment and security. If married, the added stress contributed to depression and relationships that ended in divorce. They settled into a state of stress and worry and became hesitant to make long term commitments. Instead they started seeking gratification through rotating connections and continuous partying.
Many times over I heard people say they were engaged in a search for meaning. They were looking for something, but knew not what it was, and hoped to regain the passion they had felt when younger. They want a job that will help build community, provide a meaningful focus and contribute to their financial stability. Unfortunately, there are few job opening for those with a social conscience. They lucky few who don't find what they are looking for at work are able to discover a purpose through Maker friendship groups.
But others— instead of joining in community, attend festivals, parties and dance in night long marathons, often escaping in a haze of alcohol and drugs. Underneath their cheerful exterior and wishful words, I heard fear and uncertainty. They expressed concerned about what will happen without having children to care for them as they age.
Yet, despite their confusion, I am cautiously optimistic that they will find a path. It will be different than mine, but their search for meaning and community is already taking expression in numerous communal forms. Living in over populated cities, affected by crime and climate change, they experiment with new friendship forms that meet their desire for family. I can’t help but admire the compassion and creativity they bring to their work and play. I hope that they will be better able to create a just society than the hippies of the 60’s espousing peace and love.
As Sharon Jackson wrote in the Star Tribune, “Baby boomers are stereotyped as hippies and tree-hugging idealists. Gen Xers are considered jaded slackers. Millennials are disparaged as coddled narcissists. But for the newly coined Xennials, there’s no bad rap: Their story hasn’t been written.”
Addendum:
Marriage status for each generation at age 25-30
Boomers -1980 = 60%
Gen X - 1990-54%
Gen X -2000 -50%
Xennials 2010- 38%
Millenials-2015 33%
References:
Lord, E. (2017) 11 Sisgns That You’re a Xennial Not a Millennial. Notable Live. retrieved from https://notablelife.com/xennial-millennial-definition/
Haunter-Hart.M. (2017) What is an Xennial? What People Born Between ’77-’83 Need to Know. The Bleeding Edge (A Netflix Documentary) retrieved from
https://www.inverse.com
Wertz, Jia. (2018) Analog and Digital: Xennials present a Unique Opportunity for Marketers, Forbes, retrieved from https://www.forbes.com/sites/jiawertz/2018/04/19/analog-digital-xennials-present-unique-opportunity-for-marketers/#35da894266ba
Jackson, S. (2017) ‘Sandwiched’ between Gen X and Millennials, Xennials seek own identity. Star Tribune. retrieved from http://www.startribune.com/sandwiched-between-gen-x-and-millennials-xennials-seek-own-identity/461129323/
I look forward to hearing your comments.
Works or art are always for sale. Please contact me at [email protected].
7/14/2018 9:21:32 PM
ADRA
Does she want the responsibility of motherhood?
acrylic on canvas/ 24” by 20” / $ 450
Last week I wrote that 15 percent of American women do not have children, and that 1.8 was the average birthrate for those who did. In 2016, that number dipped to an all time low, and if it was not for immigrants, the population would be in decline. I also listed reasons couples chose not to have a family and shared the pleasure I had from raising my own brood of 5.
Though most people said they liked the article (it was upbeat) and found the statistics interesting, one response surprised me. A woman I greatly respect said that she didn’t enjoy the blog for it sounded like white privilege. What? I was shocked. Does she believe that only white people can find pleasure in raising children? Her comment filled my mind throughout the week. I had to investigate further.
The first thing I did was look at racial differences. In 2016, there were fifty-one per thousand births from White and Asian women. Native Hawaiian, American Indian and Alaska Natives had sixty per thousand, Hispanic women—fifty-eight and African- American fifty-four per thousand. During the past two years these birthrates declined among come ethnic groups. Non-Hispanic White women gave birth to three percent fewer children. There was a two percent decline among Hispanic and Asian women while the birthrate among Black, Native American and Hawaiian women remained the same.
White, Hispanic and Asian women are choosing to have fewer children. Why? Are they more likely to view children as a burden or is it something else? Choices made today are greatly influenced by wealth, age and education. Strangely, those who can least afford children have larger families.
A majority of educated 20 year-olds desire children but believe they should have them when they are economically secure. They plan to finish their schooling, establish a career, acquire a modicum of financial security and have access to good healthcare before starting a family. Education and financial security contribute to good health, a lower chance of contracting a chronic disease and a longer life span. They also open doors to good jobs, enabling houses to be purchased in safe neighborhoods. Higher incomes make health care, insurance and legal assistance affordable. Support of paid or elected positions of government officials who shape policies to their advantage is within the means of the middle and upper class.
Knowing these benefits, instead of following their heart’s desire for a household full of children, they work and wait. And, by the time they’re in their thirties, their minds change. The desire for a large family starts to wane. They enjoy their independence, are immersed in jobs and social activities and more reluctant to undertake the responsibility of parenthood. Their partners also work, making childcare a major concern. When they finally say yes to kids, they give birth at a later age and have fewer.
Minority, low-income and less educated people in their twenties also want children, but are less likely to wait for the golden bow to dip their way. They are not convinced it ever will. They live in marginal neighborhoods, have poor health care and limited income potential. Living in a constant state of economic insecurity, they have a high degree of stress. Though their needs are greater , they lack political representation to help them get out of poverty. Their familial support network is also weak due to divorce or having children out of wedlock. Relatives may live far away and frequent moves in search of employment end friendships.
How many people can afford paying $10-$15 an hour for a babysitter? From time to time every parent needs relief to maintain sanity. Without support it makes me wonder if parenthood is a happy time for anyone who undertakes it. Studies have been conducted measuring how happy parents are compared to those who elect not to have children.
The countries that report parents to be happier than non-parents are Portugal, Hungary, Spain, Norway, Sweden, Finland, France and Russia (just barely). Those that find them to be less happy than their childless friends include Ireland, Greece, Britain, New Zealand, Switzerland, Poland, Israel and four more, with the United States at the bottom. On average, American parents report being 12 percent unhappier than non-parents. This unfortunate situation is because our country provides little assistance to families with young children. Also raising children in America is outrageously expensive ($284,570).
In general, parenthood in the U. S. does not bring happiness, though it does provide a sense of purpose, gives meaning to life and stimulates ongoing social connections. The amount of pleasure a parent gets from raising children does seem to be influenced by privilege. Parenting may not be joyful unless you are a person with means.
The countries with happier parents offer paid parental leave, mandatory paid sick and vacation days, subsidized childcare and work-schedule flexibility, providing an environment conducive to childrearing. I understand why touting the pleasures of parenthood might sound like it is promoting white privilege. However, it was wrong to call it a white issue for it is not based on race, but rather on education and economics. Secondarily, however, race does enter the picture because both education and economic situations are biased in favor of those who are white.
In my younger years I was fortunate to have been privileged with enough resources to raise my children in comfort. They continue to provide me with a great deal of pleasure. I wish the same gift could be given to everyone. It can happen, but will take a citizenry that values parenthood and the life of each child.
Research:
Statista Portal (2016) Birthrate in the United States in 2016, by ethnic group of mother. Statista. Retrieved from https://www.statista.com/statistics/241514/birth-rate-by-ethnic-group-of-mother-in-the-us/
Swanson, A. (2016) Many parents will say kids made them happier. They’re probably lying. Washington Post. retrieved from https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/07/06/many-americans-will-tell-you-having-kids-made-them-happier-theyre-probably-lying/?utm_term=.1c878a9c565d
7/7/2018 3:20:56 PM
Julia
25” by 36”/ Acrylic on Canvas, framed / $ 425
Resting from a day job, housework and chauffeuring children, she considers the pile of requests and applications
to teachers, healthcare providers, camps and colleges that remain piled on her desk.
For the Love of Kids
Eight senior managers were employed to help me run OMSI. Though all were married, only one beside me had children. Four interacted with kids on a regular basis while the remaining mangers handled the business of running a large institution. All were committed and worked tirelessly to ensure the museum’s success.
It surprised me that adults interested in educating children did not want to become parents. Several mentioned concern about overpopulation, but most wanted freedom to immerse themselves in work, travel and other interests.
I realized they were happily engaged in what they were doing, but privately thought they were missing out on the most important part of life. As they near retirement, I wonder if they still believe they made the right choice. I worry about their a safety net for end of life needs.
Though they have adequate resources to enter comfortable retirement facilities, who will visit? Who will take the time time to hear their stories, shower them with love and mourn when they are no longer alive.
Before the nineteenth century, children were important to their parent’s welfare. They worked on the family’s farm, were sent into mines at the age of thirteen or took after-school jobs carrying groceries. In old age, their children took care of them.
The economic value of children decreased with transformation from an agrarian to urban society. Medical advances led to a decline in childhood mortality rates. Since fewer children were needed for economic reasons, birth rates declined.
At the same time, cost of raising their offspring increased. Schooling added to the family’s expenses for children have to be fed, clothed, enrolled in after-school activities and provided with an indoor place to study. Children, once treated as property, were given entitlements. Parents became more egalitarian, friendlier and less strict. Motherhood began to lose its value.
The government demanded an ever-larger share of earnings in the form of taxes. As usable income declined, both parents had to work to make ends meet. Children were a hardship to exhausted couples embroiled in debt. Divorce rates escalated, adding to the burden of single parents. According to 2017 consumer expenditure statistics, the average cost to raise a child through age 17 is $284,570. A recent New York Times article reports that economic insecurity is the main reason fewer babies are being born. Concerns range from childcare being too expensive, worries about the economy, to financial insecurity and not enough paid family leave. The average fertility rate in the United States has dipped to 1.8, below replacement level.
Approximately 67 percent of women decide as teenagers to have two children and, by and large, do so, even though motherhood is viewed as an overwhelming commitment. Those who never experience motherhood amount to 15 percent of the female population. Free from child-care responsibility, they peruse careers, travel and seek entertainment with like minded people. Once women had the freedom to work, men benefited by having freedom from work.
Those who do not choose parenthood are pressured by family and friends do do so. Over time, some become concerned about not forming a love-bond with a child. Though they may be successfully employed and have financial security, it is not unusual to become bored by chasing happiness. Children start to be viewed as the legacy they hope to leave behind, the minds they want to mold to their way of thinking. As a result, there is a 6 percent upswing of people over 40 becoming parents.
Childless couples also consider their legacy as they age, but rather than through parenthood, they pursue it through art, science, religion or career. Friendship and professional networks are developed as a substitute to having a young family. And, childless couples claim to be just as satisfied with their lives as parenting women (except for teen moms).
Yet, I still maintain that childless couples miss out on life’s greatest pleasure. Following are thoughts about what children mean to me.
1. Children keep alive my thirst for knowledge. I relearned math, history and literature as my children went through school. By the time they were adults, their opinions often challenged my beliefs and helped me adapt to change.
2. They make me happy. When they give me a kiss, tell me they love me or say positive things, everything seems right in the world.
3. When young, they kept me involved in healthy activities. Taking them to museums, zoos, water parks and on hikes took me far away from stress.
4. They kept me alert, for they acted in surprising ways that often involved problem solving. If they needed a science fair project their father or I became involved. I was both a booster and cheerleader enabling them to take risks, overcome difficiulties and act creatively.
5. They keep me laughing. Starting in infancy, their big smiles, giggles and oft-times crazy antics made me smile and laugh. Jumping on a trampoline, trying to free a frisbee caught in a tree and winning at scrabble were happy times. They continue sending emails that make me laugh.
6. My children taught me to see more clearly. I will never forget when my 9 month old son saw snow for the first time. The expression on his face wrapped me in the beauty and mystery of the moment as though I too was seeing it for the first time.
7. The occasionally provided me with an alibi for getting out of something I didn’t want to do. I shamelessly used their slightest sniffle as a reason for staying home.
9. Children gave our family tax savings which was important, for their costs were great.
10. Lastly, my children kept me sane, contrary to the belief that most will drive you crazy. The crazy part was momentarily while the sanity was long lasting. I had to rise to the occasion of being a dependable presence who loved them unconditionally and appreciated their accomplishments.
As a mother, I never asked about the purpose of life or whether what I was doing was worthwhile. I knew in my heart and soul that it was. Inspiring thoughtful, creative children who contribute to bettering society, was the most important thing I could do.
References
Perry, S. (2014) Children aren’t worth very much —that’s why we no longer make many. Family Values. retrieved from https://qz.com/231313/children-arent-worth-very-much-thats-why-we-no-longer-make-many/
Khazan, O. (2017) How People Decide Whether to Have Children. The Atlantic. retrieved from https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2017/05/how-people-decide-whether-to-have-children/527520/
Lino, M. (2017) The Cost of Raising a Child. Center for Nutrition Policy and Promotion report in Food and Nutrition. retrieved from https://www.usda.gov/media/blog/2017/01/13/cost-raising-child
(2012) Common myths about having a child later in life. CBS News. retrieved from https://www.cbsnews.com/media/common-myths-about-having-a-child-later-in-life/
Miller,C. (2018) A Baby Bust, Rooted in Economic Inecurity. New York Times, July 6th 2018.
